West Ham 2 Villa 2
“What sort of name is Enckleman, hello I’m Peter, Peter Enckleman you may remember me from such classics as “My Left Foot II” , taking paraplegic acting to the next level.But No not today, Enckleman decides to play properly and were all left as frustrated as a limbless Iraqi hospital patient seeing his dialysis machine getting nicked by his brotherAfter a pretty pedestrian opening considering the enormity, yes that’s right the enormity, of the occasion, a Freddie Kanoute step over actually took him past his man he crossed and there was, 7 goals in a struggling team from midfield, Sinclair to drive home.

From then it was cup tie football, end to end chances couple of decent goals, our old mate Arnold giving Johnson a roasting, Lee Bowyer touched the ball at one point, yeh exciting stuff.

At the end of the day blah blah, Bolton lose, blah blah blah still in our own hands, blah blah the fans started singing escape to victory, blah blah weather was nice, blah blah c’mon you Irons.

Ratings

Jamo - disapointed the ladies by keeping his shirt on all game. Played as a keeper should, between the posts attempting to save the ball by using his hands. You can’t ask for more than from David “between the posts, Jamo” James

Johnners Johnson - With a first touch that makes women damp and husbands jealous, he didn’t really play all that well. I’m sure he wished Mr Drummond had been around as Arnold was a different stroke (ouch) at times to poor ol Johnners Johnson.

Repka - Was it a push ?, will we ever know, outstanding up till that point, 2nd half the game become stretched and was left exposed as he ended up trying to cover Johnners Johnson’s already explained defensive frailties. He’s a throw back to the good old days when men were not quite men and women were clubbed and dragged home by there hair. The Caveman of Florence.

Pearce - no nonsense, alright hoof it, defending from Pearce, there’s no doubt he’s slow and thats about it really. Missed a sitter by the way,as you know, like Hello, earth calling Ian ?

Rufuuuuusss - Poor, not enough Bling bro. Maybe he needs a word with his Yardie bro’s about distribution, because his definitely ain’t d’lick.

Lomie the ginger Homie - Now don’t get me wrong I know he has his limitations i.e passes more than 5 yards, but his effort was tremendous especially when we went to 3 in midfield. I won’t have a bad word said against the be-freckled (talking of freckles, morning Carlos) Paddy.

Joesph ” I don’t think he’s a carpenter” Cole - Good, again get him alongside Mickey and were in business again, found a killer pass, worked hard, used his tricks at the right times. But overall he is shit isn’t he ?

Bowyer - Do not get me started, could some one tell me what attributes this player has ? poor first touch, weak shooting, not seen one crunching tackle yet, passing - nothing out the ordinary, not particularly fast and very rarely makes runs into the box. Apart from that Impressive display

Sinclair - My man of the match.

You little diamond studded earringed beauty - I am detecting a little anti defoe feeling this morning, he was tremendous all bar the finish, three of these so called clear cut chances he created for him self. He ’s a constant threat, worked hard and you could see how gutted he was at missing the chances. he was excellent and I love him.There I’ve said it.

Fred - Created one, scored one, thats all one will say, can say, and have said.

Ferdinand - did well and brought on at the right time, his good thirty minutes coincided with our best spell, BUT what a miss arrggghhhhh. it was a case of “tear down those curtains mommy and make me a dress I’m going to Hollywood !!! errr no your not he missed. duffer. Dirty Yid. Only joking. Not I’m not . oh yes am I.

The rest all played well.

Thanks for listening.